The Hate Vow: A Dark Enemies to Lovers Romance Page 12

  As I walk to the house I used to call my home, fear swirls around my stomach. I haven’t talked to my parents in so long. They probably don’t even want to see me.

  I should go back to the women’s shelter, but that would be the first place Ryder would look for me. Here is probably the second, which means I can’t stay long. Just long enough to tell them the truth and tell them how sorry I am.

  Walking up to the house feels like I’ve stepped back in time… a better time. Everything looks the same, my dad keeps the grass cut, and my mom keeps the flowers blooming. There is a wind chime hanging from the front porch, the gentle sound calming my nerves slightly.

  Standing in front of the door, it takes me a few minutes to gather my courage to knock. When I finally raise my hand and let my knuckles rap over the heavy wood, my heart is slamming furiously against my ribcage.

  Fighting the urge to run, I force myself to stand still and wait.

  A moment later, I hear footsteps approaching, and the door swings open. All I can do is stand there, frozen in time as I hold my breath.

  My mom stares at me, her eyes impossibly wide as if she can’t believe I’m really here.

  “Oh, Penny,” she finally says, taking a step toward me. She wraps her arms around me and pulls me into her in a way that only a mother could. “We were so worried about you. We thought…”

  “I’m so sorry,” I murmur into her hair, and she hugs me even tighter.

  “Don’t be sorry, honey. I’m just so glad to see you.” She pulls away, tears glistening in her eyes now. She cradles my face between both of her hands, rubbing my cheeks with her thumbs. “We missed you so much, Penny.”

  “I missed you too.” More than I can explain.

  “Now, come on in and tell me what happened.” She pulls me into the house and shuts the door behind me. Leading me into the kitchen, she pulls out a chair for me. “Sit down, I’ll make you some hot chocolate.”

  I take a seat and watch her getting out a cup.

  “Ryder didn’t start the fight,” I blurt out.

  My mom stops dead in her tracks. She turns and looks at me, confused. “But you said he did.”

  “I know. It was a lie. Ryder was protecting me from Tommy that day. He was just trying to help, and I lied to get rid of him. It was all my fault.”

  “Penny…” My mom sits the cup back down and crosses the room. Sitting down next to me, she takes my hand into hers. “Why would you do that?”

  “Because I was stupid, jealous, and desperate for someone to like me. When you started fostering Ryder, I felt like he was taking you away from me. It was dumb and immature. But at the time, I just wanted him gone. And then the fight happened, and Ryder got in trouble. Everyone blamed him, and then the next day, the police came to the school asking questions, and I lied.”

  I’ve never been so ashamed in my life. I can’t even look at my mother while I confess this. I hurt someone, really hurt him, changed his life because of my selfishness.

  “I don’t know what to say, Penny.”

  “There is nothing to say. I did that, and I deserved everything that happened to me after.”

  “Don’t say that. We all make mistakes. What I don’t understand is why you stayed with Tommy. Why did you let him treat you like that? Why didn’t you just tell us the truth?”

  “Right after I talked to the police, I felt so guilty. I was going to tell them, tell you, but then Tommy caught me on my way home. He started talking to me, being very nice and charming. He told me that he always liked me and that I did the right thing, and we could now be together. He started walking me to school every morning, picking me up every afternoon, bringing me presents. I believed it all, fell for his lies. I thought he actually loved me.”

  “Tommy is an expert manipulator. He had us fooled too. It took us a while to figure out he was trying to get you away from us, and when we figured it out, it was already too late. He had you wrapped up in his web, and we didn’t think we’d ever get you back. Then he came looking for you here, about two months ago. We were so worried.”

  “That’s when I got away. I wanted to come here, but I was scared that he would find me and that you wouldn’t want me back.”

  My mom squeezes my hand gently in response. “We always want you here. This is your home, no matter how old you are. Your dad will be home from work soon, and then we can get you situated in your old room.”

  “Mom, I can’t stay long. I should probably go soon.”

  “Penny, if you think I’m going to let you walk out of that door after not seeing you for so long, you are very, very wrong.”

  “But–”

  “No, buts.” she holds up her finger, “You are staying, and that’s the end of it.”

  “Okay,” I finally agree. It’s not like I have anywhere else to go.

  Now, I can only hope that Ryder is not going to come looking for me. Hopefully, I won’t be worth the trouble.

  20

  Ryder

  She’s been gone for two weeks now. The house feels empty, like something vital is missing. It’s quiet, too quiet. Mojo knows it too. He’s been moping around, missing her, same as me.

  I shouldn’t be surprised by her taking off. I gave her no reason to stay, no reason to trust me. I treated her like shit, kicked her when she was already down. I know all of this, but none of that makes her leaving easier. Quite the opposite. It makes it harder.

  As soon as I realized she was gone, I sent one of the bartender girls for the club to the women’s shelter, looking for her. I knew that they wouldn’t let me within ten feet of the front door. She wasn’t there, so I went to the only other place I could think of.

  I snuck up to the house, sneaking around and looking into the window like a creep. She was there, sitting at the dinner table with her family, a family we once shared.

  I was about to knock the door down, pull her out, demand that she come back to me, but then something happened.

  She smiled…

  She fucking smiled, and in that exact moment, I felt the icy exterior of my heart crack, shatter into a million pieces. Each piece cutting into the inside of my chest, causing a pain I’ve never felt before.

  It was a small, seemingly insignificant gesture. She smiled at something her mother said, her eyes lit up, and her shoulders shook slightly as her smile turned into a giggle. She was happy, content.

  In all those weeks, she stayed at my house, not once–not one time–had I seen her smile. Not once had I seen her eyes light up or heard the sound of her laughter. All I saw was her pain, and her tears and felt her trembling in fear.

  I hated her for what she’d done to me, hated her for so long. Now, I realize I’ve done way worse, and I only have myself to hate.

  My phone rings, dragging me out of my thoughts. I answer without checking the screen, knowing exactly who it is.

  “Where the hell are you?” Maddox’s voice booms through the speaker of my truck.

  “Just driving around. What’s up?”

  “We might have a lead on Tucker. I’ll know more tomorrow, so be ready.”

  The line goes dead, in typical Maddox fashion.

  The reminder of Tucker only darkens my already dark mood. The fucker stole from us. Penny was right. Unfortunately, he caught wind of us looking for him before we could get him. Now he is nowhere to be found.

  At least none of the brothers sided with him after we showed them the proof. Him taking off like that only made him look guiltier.

  Shaking the thought of the prick Tucker out of my head, I concentrate on the here and now.

  I park a few houses down, always a different spot, then walk the rest of the way. It’s two o’clock in the morning, everyone in this quiet suburban neighborhood is asleep—everyone except Penny.

  She is sitting on the back porch, looking up at the sky. She is holding a cup in her hands. The way she takes careful sips tells me it’s something hot.

  The lawn chair she is sitting on makes low sounds of distre
ss as she moves, pulling her legs up. She is wearing my sweater, the one she wore when she left. It’s so big on her, she looks like a child wearing an adult size.

  I stay in the shadows behind a tree. She doesn’t know I’m here, she never does. I come to see her almost every day, it’s become a routine, an obsession of sorts.

  The need to see her compels me to do it, but that’s all I ever do. I simply drive here to see her, make sure she is okay, then I leave, go back home to my empty house, wishing it wasn’t so empty.

  Taking one last look, I soak her in. Every feature, every strand of her hair, I memorize it all. I wait until she finishes whatever is in her cup. Then, I watch her get up and walk back inside. Only when I know she is safely back in the house, do I turn around to leave.

  I take two steps before coming to an abrupt halt.

  “Forgot where the doorbell is?” James asks, his always kind eyes giving me a questionable glance. Suddenly, I’m not a coldhearted criminal anymore. I’m a teenager again, standing in front of the only father figure I ever had.

  “I just came to check up on her,” I explain, shoving my hands in my pockets.

  “I figured,” he nods, “Penny told us everything. About her lying and that you let her stay with you for a bit.”

  Guilt and shame mingle deep inside me. I’m sure she didn’t tell him what I asked of her in return. What I took from her as payment. I hope he never finds out either, because the truth is, I don’t want him to be disappointed in me. He was always good to me, treated me well, took me into his home when no one else would.

  “I’m sorry she lied, and I’m sorry we didn’t believe you.” His apology is genuine, which only makes me feel worse about my actions.

  “I was never mad at you, and I don’t hate Penny anymore for what she did.”

  “That’s good. It’s a lot of hate to hold on to. Hate like that can eat you up inside.”

  Don’t I fucking know it?

  “Shit happens.” I shrug.

  “Why don’t you come inside, have a beer with me?”

  I’m tempted to say yes. To be part of their lives again. Be part of Penny’s life in a healthy way. A tiny flash of a happy future enters my mind, a world where everything is okay, where Penny and I have a normal relationship, without all the hate and resentment between us. But then I remember who I am, what kind of person I’ve become, and what I did to Penny.

  “It’s late. Maybe another time?”

  “Maybe another time,” he echoes my words. “You’re always welcome here, Ryder.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  And I will keep it in mind, but I won’t act on it because I know it wouldn’t work out. It wouldn’t be right to step foot in that house again. It wouldn’t be fair to Penny.

  The best thing I can do for her now is walk away. Let her build the life she deserves. The life she lost five years ago, the same day I lost mine.

  21

  Penny

  Moving the last few boxes of pasta from the small pallet onto the shelf, I take one last look to make sure everything is straight.

  “You know your shift ended ten minutes ago?” Mary calls from the front of the store.

  “Just finishing up,” I tell her.

  I’ve been working here in her tiny grocery store for a few weeks now. I couldn’t stand letting my parents pay for everything. The least I can do is help out. It’s not much, but at least I don’t feel useless, and I like it here. Mary is a sweetheart, and she was running this place all on her own before I came along.

  “Will you be a doll and take the trash out on your way?”

  “Sure thing.” I grab the large trash bag from behind the counter and head toward the back exit. “Bye, Mary. See you tomorrow.”

  “Bye, kid!” she calls after me. “Thanks again.”

  The heavy door falls shut behind me, and I step into the small back alley behind the shop. I wrinkle my nose at the stench of garbage and urine that always greets me back here. Dragging the trash bag behind me, I use my free hand to open the dumpster’s sliding door.

  “Need some help?” a male voice startles me.

  I drop the trash bag and spin around, coming face to face with a man I don’t know. He is wearing dirty clothes, and his hair looks uncombed, making me think he might be homeless.

  “Sorry, sweets. Didn’t mean to scare you.” He gives me a smile that has the small hairs on the back of my neck standing up. Panic rises inside of me; like a vine, it wraps around me, not wanting to let go. “Just thought you could use a hand.”

  “No, thanks, I’m fine,” I say, trying to keep my voice even. Glancing around the small alleyway, I look for the quickest exit. The only way I can go is behind me, which means I have to get around the dumpster first.

  “Don’t be like that, sweets. I’m just trying to help.” He takes a few steps toward me, his eyes roaming my body, and I know I have to make a run for it now.

  Just as I’m about to take off into a sprint, the man suddenly retreats. His face goes pale, and the mischief in his eyes turns into fear. He takes a few more steps back, holding up his hands, palms first.

  Only then do I realize he isn’t looking at me anymore. He is staring at something behind me.

  Twisting my head, I look over my shoulder.

  Ryder.

  I’m vaguely aware of the man making a run for it, hearing his feet pound against the concrete to get away.

  Then the alley goes silent, leaving Ryder and me in it alone. I don’t know how he got here or why he came, neither do I care at this moment.

  I’m feeling so many different things at seeing him that I can’t make out if it’s good or bad. All I know is that my feet are cemented to the ground, and I can’t move a muscle.

  The glare he was giving the unknown guy lowers, and his eyes find mine. His gaze softens, but I can still see the anger and turmoil within the icy blue depths.

  “You shouldn’t work here,” is the first thing out of his mouth. His words take me by surprise, I expected him to yell at me. Demand why I left, maybe ask for his money back. Definitely not that I shouldn’t work here.

  When I say nothing back, he grabs my hand and pulls me down the alley and onto the road. With my hand secured in his, we walk down the sidewalk. To everyone else, it probably looks like we’re a couple taking a stroll.

  At the next corner, he leads me down a different alley where I spot his truck.

  He opens the passenger side and lifts me in, climbing in behind me. He shuts the door, and I slide toward the middle of the cab, making space for him, but he grabs my hips and pulls me back onto his lap.

  Before I can comprehend what is happening, I’m cradled to his chest, his muscular arms wrapped around my body, holding me to him tightly.

  I bury my face in his shirt, sucking in air mingled with his unique scent, I missed so much. Yes, I missed it, I missed him. I missed the way he smelled, the way he tastes, and the way he makes me feel. I missed it all.

  I thought those feelings might go away, but they have only been getting stronger. Every night, I wish he was holding me, wish for his touch. I was just too scared to admit it, even to myself.

  We stay like this for a long time, clinging to each other without saying a word. There is no need for anything to be said. We both know what happened. Somewhere along the broken road we traveled, we turned to each other for comfort. We started depending on one another. Forgave each other. We turned the darkness between us into light.

  Now the question is. Will that be enough?

  My phone buzzes in my back pocket, reminding me I’m supposed to be home right now.

  Ryder releases his hold on me, but only enough for me to sit up and retrieve my phone. He keeps his arms around me, his large hands sprawled out on my back and thigh.

  Unlocking my phone, I find a message from my mom. “My parents are asking if I’m okay and if I’ll make it home for dinner.”

  “I’ll drive you home.”

  Before I can objec
t, he is moving us around. After making me sit on the seat, he climbs over to the driver’s side and gets behind the wheel.

  The engine roars to life, and he pulls out of the alley and onto the road.

  “I’m sorry I left.” I feel the need to say it, even though I know I did the right thing. “I was scared, and I overheard Maddox saying he was going to take me back to the club and put me in a room with Tucker.”

  Ryder curses under his breath. “I wouldn’t have let that happen.”

  “I didn’t know that,” I say honestly.

  “I know.”

  “Have you been watching me?” I had a feeling he was, something in the back of my mind telling me he was close, but I chalked it up to dreaming for the most part.

  “Yes,” he admits shamelessly and without further explanation.

  “Why didn’t you talk to me?”

  Just as I ask, we pull up in front of my parents’ house.

  “You should go inside,” Ryder tells me, avoiding my question.

  “Come with me,” I offer, but it sounds more like a plea. “I told them the truth, and they know I stayed with you.”

  “Do they know what I made you do while you stayed with me?”

  “It was my choice to stay with you. I had sex with you willingly, and we both know I enjoyed it too. But that’s not something they need to know.”

  Ryder glances toward the front door, his fingers gripping onto the steering wheel tightly, before he turns his gaze back onto the road ahead. I can tell he is thinking about it. He wants to come in, but something is holding him back.

  The past.

  It’s the same thing holding me back too. Our past can’t be erased, no matter how we feel about each other now.

  “Go inside, Penny.” He tells me, calling me by my name. It sounds foreign coming from his mouth, and I wonder why he chose this moment to say it.

  Maybe because this is goodbye?

  The thought of never seeing him again leaves a dark, empty space in the center of my chest.